Discover and Live Your Dharma

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Enjoy this Sounds True podcast of an interview with Stephen Cope as they discuss the wisdom found in the Bhagavad Gita and the many ways this ancient parable can be applied to modern life.

They speak about discovering and living out your dharma—the true purpose of your life. They discuss the wisdom found in the Bhagavad Gita and the many ways this ancient parable can be applied to modern life. Stephen explains why “missing by an inch is the same as missing by a mile,” as well as why we need to decide what not to do in order to bring our gifts to life. Finally, Tami and Stephen talk about the concept of being a warrior and what this means as we bring our unique skills to bear in a world that needs them more than ever.


Stephen Cope is the scholar emeritus at Kripalu Yoga Center and the director of the Kripalu Institute for Extraordinary Living, as well as the bestselling author of The Wisdom of Yoga and The Great Work of Your Life. With Sounds True, Stephen has produced an eight-week online course titled Your True Calling: Essential Teachings of Yoga to Find Your Path in the World.


The Great Work Of Your Life

Stephen’s excellent book The Great Work of Your Life: A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling brings the Bhagavad-Gita, a classic Hindu spiritual text, to life. The Bhagavad-Gita, the cornerstone of the yogic tradition, has Arjuna the greatest warrior of his era being counseled by Krishna his divine charioteer.

Arjuna is struggling and is prone laying down on his chariot can’t get himself to go to war. Lots of drama going on in the scene and Krishna advises him on how to live his Dharma.



The Four Pillars of Dharma

Dharma is what Krishna is advising Arjuna about in the Bhagavad-Gita and Stephen helps us bring that to life in our modern lives and many shares stories of extraordinary people who have discovered and most fully lived their Dharma. Everyone from Walt Whitman and Henry David Thoreau to Susan B. Anthony and Ghandi. An extraordinary array of individuals whose stories he uses to help us understand how we can discover and live our sacred calling.

The Sanskrit word Dharma is impossible to translate into one English word. The basic idea in terms of this book is basically your vocation, your sacred duty, your calling, what are you here to do. It also means the essence of who you are, the truth of your being, that part of you that makes you, you.

The book is about understanding the four pillars of Dharma.

The First Pillar: Look to your Dharma (Discover)

You need to discover your Dharma, know your unique gift/vocation. We all have a seed of potential, a gift that we’ve been giving, our duty is to bring that to life. We need to discover, not create, what that is.

You have gifts and possibilities that no one else has. What’s the special offering that you can make in the current difficulty that no one else can make.

Here are actions you can do to help discover and live your Dharma:

  1. List what is in your life right now that is most lighting you up. (prioritize your list and keep the top three)
  2. List what you think your deepest duty in your life, what is it that if you do not do it that you will feel a profound sense of self betrayal. (prioritize your list and keep the top three)
  3. List the challenges and difficulties that you are facing in your life. (prioritize your list and keep the top three)
  4. Take the prioritized list from the first three steps and write down the five words that best describe your Dharma.
  5. Write down the things/actions that support you which you want to enhance moving forward.
  6. Write down the things/actions that are unnecessary, that may work against your Dharma, that you want to stop doing and let go.

The Second Pillar: Do It Full Out (All In)

Once you discover your Dharma, what your ultimate calling, your sacred duty, you need to go all-in. You need to dedicate your entire life to your Dharma.

When you decide to go all-in on anything in your life, you cut off other options. Now that’s really challenging to do because that requires a level of courage. You can’t hedge your bets, which means you say no to a lot of other things.

On a macro level you need to decide what you’re going to commit your life force, your soul force as Steven describes it. On a micro level we need to say no to all the distractions that get in the way.

Structured all the conditions of your life so that you can most fully give yourself. Created the conditions for your life to flourish.

Our job is to cultivate and create the conditions through which our gift can reach its potential. Have you created the conditions of your life in such a manner that you can flourish?

Know when your energy is at its best. How can you optimize your conditions?

The Third Pillar: Let Go of the Fruits

Focus on the process over results. Let go of outcomes and focus on doing your best, day in and day out. Let go of the fruits of your labor is how Krishna puts it.

Look for the open doors instead of spending your efforts trying to open ones that are not open.

The Fourth Pillar Turn it Over To God (You to Zero)

Turn your entire life over to God. Gandhi described it as reducing himself to zero.

Free Your Emotions through Yoga Breathing, Body Awareness, and Energetic Release – Audio Download $13.10.

Something magical happens when you’re able to get out of the way and let God take over and shine through. Releasing the God within, reducing ourselves to zero such that God can be fully present.

Develop your fundamentals, develop your core practices that allow you to be a healthy human being such that you can actualize and then move beyond your ego and transcend yourself.

Abraham Maslow describes in the hierarchy of needs start at the basic level and moved up to self-actualization. But that wasn’t the end. After you self actualized, you self transcended. You reduced yourself to zero and you gave your life to something bigger than yourself.


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Seek Meaning In Your Life

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Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but what if there’s a more fulfilling path? Happiness comes and goes, says writer Emily Esfahani Smith, but having meaning in life — serving something beyond yourself and developing the best within you — gives you something to hold onto. Smith offers four pillars of a meaningful life.

Transcript: There’s more to life than being happy | Emily Esfahani Smith

I used to think the whole purpose of life was pursuing happiness. Everyone said the path to happiness was success, so I searched for that ideal job, that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment.
But instead of ever feeling fulfilled, I felt anxious and adrift. And I wasn’t alone; my friends — they struggled with this, too.

Eventually, I decided to go to graduate school for positive psychology to learn what truly makes people happy. But what I discovered there changed my life.

The data showed that chasing happiness can make people unhappy. And what really struck me was this: the suicide rate has been rising around the world, and it recently reached a 30-year high in America. Even though life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivable standard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone.

There’s an emptiness gnawing away at people, and you don’t have to be clinically depressed to feel it.

Sooner or later, I think we all wonder: Is this all there is?

And according to the research, what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness. It’s a lack of something else, a lack of having meaning in life.

But that raised some questions for me. Is there more to life than being happy? And what’s the difference between being happy and having meaning in life?

Many psychologists define happiness as a state of comfort and ease, feeling good in the moment.

Meaning, though, is deeper.

The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the best within you.

Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path.

And the studies show that people who have meaning in life, they’re more resilient, they do better in school and at work, and they even live longer.

So this all made me wonder: How can we each live more meaningfully?

To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundreds of people and reading through thousands of pages of psychology, neuroscience and philosophy.

Bringing it all together, I found that there are what I call four pillars of a meaningful life. And we can each create lives of meaning by building some or all of these pillars in our lives.

Belonging

The first pillar is belonging.

Belonging comes from being in relationships where you’re valued for who you are intrinsically
and where you value others as well. But some groups and relationships deliver a cheap form of belonging; you’re valued for what you believe, for who you hate, not for who you are.

True belonging springs from love. It lives in moments among individuals, and it’s a choice — you can choose to cultivate belonging with others.


What's standing between you and success?
Here’s an example.

Each morning, my friend Jonathan buys a newspaper from the same street vendor in New York. They don’t just conduct a transaction, though. They take a moment to slow down, talk,
and treat each other like humans. But one time, Jonathan didn’t have the right change,
and the vendor said, “Don’t worry about it.” But Jonathan insisted on paying, so he went to the store and bought something he didn’t need to make change.

But when he gave the money to the vendor, the vendor drew back. He was hurt. He was trying to do something kind, but Jonathan had rejected him.

I think we all reject people in small ways like this without realizing it. I do. I’ll walk by someone I know and barely acknowledge them. I’ll check my phone when someone’s talking to me.

These acts devalue others. They make them feel invisible and unworthy.

But when you lead with love, you create a bond that lifts each of you up.

For many people, belonging is the most essential source of meaning, those bonds to family and friends.

Purpose

For others, the key to meaning is the second pillar: purpose.

Now, finding your purpose is not the same thing as finding that job that makes you happy.

Purpose is less about what you want than about what you give.

A hospital custodian told me her purpose is healing sick people.

Many parents tell me, “My purpose is raising my children.”

The key to purpose is using your strengths to serve others.

Of course, for many of us, that happens through work. That’s how we contribute and feel needed. But that also means that issues like disengagement at work, unemployment, low labor force participation — these aren’t just economic problems, they’re existential ones, too.

Without something worthwhile to do, people flounder.

Of course, you don’t have to find purpose at work, but purpose gives you something to live for, some “why” that drives you forward.

Transcendence

The third pillar of meaning is also about stepping beyond yourself, but in a completely different way: transcendence.

Transcendent states are those rare moments when you’re lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily life, your sense of self fades away, and you feel connected to a higher reality.

For one person I talked to, transcendence came from seeing art. For another person, it was at church. For me, I’m a writer, and it happens through writing. Sometimes I get so in the zone that I lose all sense of time and place.

These transcendent experiences can change you. One study had students look up at 200-feet-tall eucalyptus trees for one minute. But afterwards they felt less self-centered, and they even behaved more generously when given the chance to help someone.

Belonging, purpose, transcendence. Now, the fourth pillar of meaning, I’ve found,
tends to surprise people.

Storytelling

The fourth pillar is storytelling, the story you tell yourself about yourself.

Creating a narrative from the events of your life brings clarity. It helps you understand how you became you.

But we don’t always realize that we’re the authors of our stories and can change the way we’re telling them. Your life isn’t just a list of events. You can edit, interpret and retell your story,
even as you’re constrained by the facts.

I met a young man named Emeka, who’d been paralyzed playing football. After his injury, Emeka told himself, “My life was great playing football, but now look at me.”

People who tell stories like this —”My life was good. Now it’s bad.” — tend to be more anxious and depressed.

And that was Emeka for a while. But with time, he started to weave a different story. His new story was,”Before my injury, my life was purposeless. I partied a lot and was a pretty selfish guy. But my injury made me realize I could be a better man.”

That edit to his story changed Emeka’s life. After telling the new story to himself, Emeka started mentoring kids, and he discovered what his purpose was: serving others.

The psychologist Dan McAdams calls this a “redemptive story,” where the bad is redeemed by the good.

People leading meaningful lives, he’s found, tend to tell stories about their lives defined by redemption, growth and love.

But what makes people change their stories?

Some people get help from a therapist, but you can do it on your own, too, just by reflecting on your life thoughtfully, how your defining experiences shaped you, what you lost, what you gained.

That’s what Emeka did.

You won’t change your story overnight; it could take years and be painful. After all, we’ve all suffered, and we all struggle.

But embracing those painful memories can lead to new insights and wisdom, to finding that good that sustains you.

Summary

Belonging, purpose, transcendence, storytelling: those are the four pillars of meaning.

When I was younger, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by all of the pillars.

My parents ran a Sufi meetinghouse from our home in Montreal. Sufism is a spiritual practice associated with the whirling dervishes and the poet Rumi. Twice a week, Sufis would come to our home to meditate, drink Persian tea, and share stories. Their practice also involved serving all of creation through small acts of love, which meant being kind even when people wronged you. But it gave them a purpose: to rein in the ego.

Eventually, I left home for college and without the daily grounding of Sufism in my life, I felt unmoored. And I started searching for those things that make life worth living.

That’s what set me on this journey.

Looking back, I now realize that the Sufi house had a real culture of meaning. The pillars were part of the architecture, and the presence of the pillars helped us all live more deeply.

Of course, the same principle applies in other strong communities as well — good ones and bad ones.

Gangs, cults: these are cultures of meaning that use the pillars and give people something to live and die for. But that’s exactly why we as a society must offer better alternatives. We need to build these pillars within our families and our institutions to help people become their best selves.

But living a meaningful life takes work. It’s an ongoing process. As each day goes by, we’re constantly creating our lives, adding to our story.

And sometimes we can get off track.

Whenever that happens to me, I remember a powerful experience I had with my father.

Several months after I graduated from college, my dad had a massive heart attack that should have killed him. He survived, and when I asked him what was going through his mind
as he faced death, he said all he could think about was needing to live so he could be there for my brother and me, and this gave him the will to fight for life.

When he went under anesthesia for emergency surgery, instead of counting backwards from 10, he repeated our names like a mantra. He wanted our names to be the last words he spoke on earth if he died.

My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi. It’s a humble life, but a good life.
Lying there facing death, he had a reason to live: love.

His sense of belonging within his family, his purpose as a dad, his transcendent meditation, repeating our names — these, he says, are the reasons why he survived. That’s the story he tells himself.

That’s the power of meaning.

Happiness comes and goes. But when life is really good and when things are really bad, having meaning gives you something to hold on to.

Thank you.
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